Dating....ugh!! That pretty much sums it up. I feel that being in my 30's dating should be more.......Mature?? Of course you get your typical douchy guys who just want to hook up, and then you get your guys who want to marry you after the first date, and then there's the guy that wins your heart over and appears to be so perfect, and then come to find out....it's anything but.
I tend to get my heart broken over and over because sadly, I'm too giving of a person. I have yet to truly find someone who appreciates that about myself and who is willing to do the same. I love hard, I give hard, and I care hard. I'm loyal to a fault; meaning, even if I'm with someone and they are "talking" to someone else, I stick it out because I don't want to be that person that gets accused of being a hypocrite for doing the same thing. I guess you can say I'm a glutton for punishment. I tend to give all of myself to someone in hopes that ill get it in return, and I always come up empty handed and with a broken heart.
What is it about me that men can't stay faithful too, loyal too, have a little bit of consideration for?? Why is it when I'm excited about a relationship and want to scream it to the world how happy I am (or think I am), the person I'm in the relationship with is denying having a girlfriend?? I guess it's something I'll never understand. I cook, clean, do laundry, I'm your cheerleader, your motivator, and to you I only exist behind closed doors. Yet I don't leave. why? I wish I could answer that. Am I being used? I don't know, maybe. But what am I being used for? I don't give them money, I don't pay their bills, we switch off paying for dinners/meals. Am I just a friend with benefits? Am I embarrassing to you?? I just can't put my finger on it.
Your friends know I exist, and ask how we're doing. Your reply "not in a relationship". Maybe you telling me every night how I'm yours, and how you're lucky to of found me, doesn't qualify as being in a relationship?? I'm not sure. Maybe I've got this relationship thing all wrong?? Is this how things are now a days? Acting like a family, with eating meals together, cleaning house together, sharing dresser drawers, having each others house key, staying at each others houses every night, but during the day and to friends and family you're a single person with no attachments?? Is this how dating/relationships work in 2016? I'm so confused. So does this mean, I find a daytime mate, and keep my evening mate? sounds like way too much work for me.
Why can't things be simple? What happened to honest communication?? Why do we have to live in a society of social media where it's easy to live double lives? What are we so afraid of? Why is it so hard for someone to just be honest with their feelings, instead of just keeping the other person guessing. Maybe that's my problem. I wear my emotions and feelings on my sleeve. I hide nothing, because why should I?? If I "like" or "love" you, I'm going to tell you. The least you can do is be honest with me with your feelings. If you're not feeling me in a "relationship" kind of way, then tell me. Why act like you do?? Wouldn't it be easier to be truthful and honest, so everyone can be happy?
So like I said.....Are we doing this or not?? I've got shit to do.
