As we start to close our 2014 chapter you can't help but think of everything that has happened over the past year. For me this was a busy, weepy, exhausting year. Yet when i think about it, it was also a pretty educational year as well. I learned a lot about life and about myself this year. I lied to myself quite a bit this year. I made promises to myself that i didn't keep, and do I regret it? Yeah i guess so. I promised myself i would do 2 half marathons and a few other walks, and i didn't do them. So what did I take away from those promises that i didn't keep? I learned that I shouldn't be ridiculous and make such crazy promises to myself.
This year brought me a lot of sadness and heartache. I lost my dad to cancer, and I felt like I lost my purpose. I also lost a sister, not in death, but a connection. With all of this happening, I felt lost, but it's amazing how you HAVE to find yourself so you can be that strength for someone else. And through all this pain and hurt and sadness i found that i am an incredibly strong person and that I can do anything! I discovered that I can raise 2 kids, a household, my dads estate and myself, not an easy task, but to be honest, i had the help of my brother. And to be even more honest.....i would be lost without him. If anything good came out of my dads passing, it was that it made a team out of my brother and myself. My brother and I endured a lot of grief and heartache over my dads passing, not because he passed away, but because we learned a lot about people during this time. I mentioned we lost a sister. Its amazing how money changes people, some for the good and some for the bad, and well, this was for the bad. But my brother and I had a united front and stood together, because we knew our dad, and we knew what his wishes were and we were going to make sure those wishes were carried out. And because of that it gave me a new respect for my kid brother. So thank you Dad, thank you for giving me something to hold on to and to treasure. I love you more than you will ever know, and I miss you so very very much.
I learned a lot about family. I finally learned that you can't and won't make everyone happy. Someone is always going to be upset over something, and that's fine. I know I will never live up to expectations from some people, and I know that my personality upsets people, and that's fine too because I can't change that, nor would I want to. I learned that some people are forever miserable, and that we're all a bunch of crazies rolled in chocolate. But I think the most important lesson I learned this year about family is, I can not live my life for them. And by learning this, im one step closer to achieving my ultimate happiness.
I know that once the new year hits we all make resolutions, and we all fail at them. Im not going to make some outlandish resolution this year, because honestly, I wont keep it. All i want for 2015 is to be happy. I want to be able to sit back and say "this is the best year ever". A lot of changes are going to be happening, some things may not make some people happy, and I may lose friendships and connections, but that's ok. Im going to be happy, i want to be happy, and i feel that i deserve that. Im excited, nervous, scared and a bit overwhelmed about the future, but all i can say is BRING IT ON.
So i hope everyone has a great 2015, and i wish everyone happiness and joy.
